It has been one year since I finished high school, and protective styles became my thing mostly because of the pandemic. On December 15th of 2020, I made the scary yet bold decision to loc my hair.
Reflecting on the reasons that led me to do it, I realized that I didn't feel good enough about trying the natural hairstyles that I wanted to do at the time. I felt like my hair wasn't the right length to do it, especially at the back. It made me very insecure.
At the time of writing, I have had my hair loc'd for two months and counting. This is the stage I've heard is called the "ugly phase". EVERYBODY knows that phase. The locs just don't lie down, they resist diverse styling *deep sigh*.
My locs are pretty short, hence limiting my styling options. After having them installed, I realised that you have to put in some effort in maintaining them, and quite a significant amount of money until they fully loc. I had been running away from this! But I think that it is understandable, for now.
I have been noticing that I feel some regret about locing my hair. I could comb them out, but I fear the amount of damage I could do to my hair. Writing this article has made me meditate on why I have been feeling like this. It's just like the syndrome that got me here; feeling unworthy of rocking this hairdo *sigh*.
I associate locs with bold and fearless men and women. I feel more like the polar opposite, who is working on herself to be better. Looking at all the things I could do with my hair, I fail to pinpoint what resonates with me and is a show of my personality. I don't know what kind of style would spell that out for me.
But, having tried most things (which I am comfortable with), I have seen that my feelings toward myself will either make me feel okay with my hairdos or not. I have learnt that I should not disqualify myself from anything just because I feel insecure.
Having come to that conclusion, I have become deliberate about liking my choices, whichever they are. Even if I wake up tomorrow to chop off my locs, it is okay as long as the decision comes from the right place: from within myself.
However, I still choose to continue with my loc journey to just see and experience the unknown. Wish me luck.
Edit: I chopped them off in March 2023. It was a good run.