The last time I wrote about matters of the heart, I let you in on some stuff that you probably shouldn't be listening to whilst grieving the end of your romantic relationship.
My opinion still stands. In case you hadn't noticed, there's always an agenda being pushed through mainstream music and discernment is highly required if you're going to consume such content.
And now, I'm back with another topic on the same.
I like to write about things less written about. Managing a heartbreak isn't one of them, though. However, I thought it would be okay to do so since I have a unique lived experience like everyone else.
The packaging is unique, although the content is more or less identical to what is out there.
So, you had your heart broken...
Or not. Maybe you're just reading my stuff (which in that case, I love you😭!).
If you are going through heartbreak, I'd like to say that I empathize with you. Writing this does take me back to my last one, even though I'm 💯 over it.
Research says that over 80% of people have experienced heartbreak. This might not be a comforting fact, but it does show that most people can empathize with you dealing with the end of your romantic relationship.
The crying spells, disappointment, looming sadness...heck, I can't believe I lost my appetite for a whole ni- dude. Bear with me, I'm trying to be a class act🥴.
I don't want to keep you waiting, so I'll get into the meat and bones of this post.
How to Get Over Your Heartbreak
1. Go no-contact with your ex.
Don't wish them a happy birthday.
Don't check up on them.
Don't try to be friends.
Delete their contact from your phone and unfollow them on social media. You could even block them on your own accord.
Don't dismiss this as a petty tip. Trust me, you'd rather end things with your dignity intact. It saved me from begging for people to stay and it also prevented me from sending long texts about how they'd never find someone else like me😞.
What? A girl can be petty if she wants to💁🏽♀️!
Other than preserving your dignity, it gives you an optimum condition for the healing process to begin. You won't have to stay pinning for your ex, hoping that you will rekindle things. Also, you won't have to worry about them texting you asking for a second chance. It rarely happens. Even if it does, don't be the dummy who took them back🙅🏾♀️.
Burn the bridge and get on with your life.
2. Journal your thoughts and feelings.
This is one of the most popular pieces of advice out there in this day and age. Journaling helps in clearly articulating your thoughts and processing your feelings.
I did journal about my break up but I couldn't find the journal entries of that period, sadly☹. By then, I had switched to using an app in place of a notebook since I was afraid of my family stumbling across my journals and reading them (not that I have anything to hide👀) and I lost all my data.
I would have shared some excerpts with you😂.
But, I did find the journal that held entries from when I was dating my ex. I've been going through that particular journal throughout writing this blog post. All I'm going to say is that I would have given Shakespeare a run for his money.
On a serious note, going through those entries was not only sad but an eye-opening experience. The red flags that were indifferent to me back then became as clear as day. This is off-topic but I think that you should keep a journal to document your healing.
Maybe even keep one when seeing someone new.
3. Embrace the pain.
Don't suck it up, Buttercup!
Bottling up your hurt feelings could do more harm than good. Other than possibly compromising your physical health, you risk experiencing strains in your relationships with others and yourself.
I remember crying every day for months after putting up a strong front for school. Heck, I even had a Spotify playlist for that purpose.
Cry it all out.
Can I confirm that I felt better afterwards?
I don't remember. But, it certainly was a better option than suppressing my feelings.
It seems paradoxical to say that with feeling comes healing, but it rings true. It's been a long while and I can attest that things do get better.
4. Shift the focus onto yourself.
We all live and learn and certainly, I can share that my first breakup taught me how to take care of myself.
It started as a necessity - I had completely lost my appetite and I had to force myself to eat. Before my breakup, having a meal was completely blasé to me. After my breakup, ensuring that I didn't skip meals became an act of self-care. Even if I didn't feel like eating, I'd tell myself that I am nourishing my body because I love myself. It worked.
With no significant other to look out for, it is the best time to prioritize your needs and put yourself first. Go back to doing the things which gave you joy. If they no longer serve that purpose anymore, try new things out.
Find what you find therapeutic and do more of that.
5. Lean on the support of your loved ones.
In another blog post, I dabbled a little into Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Right after physiological and safety needs comes the need to be loved. This shows that we need strong support systems to help us get through tough times. A breakup is no exemption.
A support system can be in the form of friends, family, support groups or religious/spiritual communities. You can pick whichever suits you best and is easily accessible to you.
A problem shared is a problem half solved. So, go talk to your favourite people. Vent to your best friend. Yes, even though you temporarily abandoned your friendships while in pursuit of love (been there, done that😅).
All in all...
You do know that you're brave, right? If you think about it, putting yourself out there and being open to love is no easy feat. Just because it didn't work out that one time (or a couple of times😅) simply means that you haven't found the right person, which is okay.
I hope this helps. I know I might be back here a couple of times, that is if I don't get a forever partner soon😂. And you know what? I'm open to that.
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