Utter. Badassery. Call me Wanza 'Badass' Githitho😏.
Yes, friends. It's been a week and I cannot believe that I had the balls to sign up for my school's beauty pageant. I hate to dampen the mood but after a two-day training, I, unfortunately, didn't make it past auditions (no need to feel sorry for me, I'm doing well both mentally and emotionally now).
However, that three-day experience did teach me a few things that I thought you'd be interested in knowing. But before we get to that...
Me? A Beauty Pageant? Really?!?
"You want to be judged based on your beauty?"
"You want to catwalk around the ramp in a bikini/clothes that reveal your silhouette, smile (even if you feel like it) and be judged all for a mere title?"
"You want to be perceived as just a pretty face with a banging body?"
Short answer: yes! - says the girl who wears Feminist button badges on her blazer👀.
Truth be told, I had been battling such questions in my mind before I decided to sign up for the auditions. I did it anyway because, over time, I have come to learn that it isn't wrong to want to be appreciated for my beauty. Frankly, that was my biggest strength and I was willing to test the waters and see how far I could go.
It only took me so far, but that's not the point, lol😂.
Beauty pageants are all about physical beauty (let's be real) AND other attractive qualities that a person may have. Knowing that I had the single most important requirement and the wits and personality to back it up, coupled with a desire to build my confidence and public speaking skills, I knew that I had a chance💁🏽♀️.
And now, here are some valuable lessons that participating (and barely winning) in a beauty pageant taught me.
1. Make it your business to follow your dreams.
Nicki Minaj said it best.
Having been raised as a person to not even dare think of depending on my looks to get me to advantageous positions, but to simply be a good person with a beautiful mind, I found the desire to be appreciated for my looks weird. Right now, I think why the heck not?
I traced the desire back to when we had a CD of Esther Wahome's (yes, the 'Kuna Dawa' hitmaker) album 'Yahweh'. I used to admire her; she was tall and I was a tall girl, she was pretty and she dressed nicely. I wanted to grow up and be like her. Back then, I wasn't aware that she took interest in beauty pageants and her bagging the first runners' title in the 2017 Mrs Universe Beauty Pageant surprised me, but not so much. She had an it-girl factor and I always saw it.
The fear of living with regret was greater than my fear of participating, so I went ahead and signed up. Even though I didn't make it, I am so glad that there are no what-ifs.
2. Mastery brings about confidence.
Before the day of the auditions, we had two days to learn the basics of catwalking. Despite being completely new to the pageantry world, I thought that I did have some edge since my gait almost is a catwalk (I hear).
That fact about myself gave me enough confidence to train with my fellow competitors who just so happened to be seasoned models. It was quite the competition😬.
Training with the other girlies made me realize that repetition brings about mastery and mastery brings about confidence. Albeit being two days old in the modelling world, I felt slightly confident during the audition (although I put my faith in my natural gait and simply walked and posed).
Had I more time to train, I'm positive that I would currently be breaking a sweat training in my red four-inch heels! I mean, the catwalk wasn't what got me cut off...it was my performance during the Q and A session.
3. It's fine to just sit still, and look pretty!
Here's an ugly truth - the world is superficial and will judge me based on my looks. I have pretty privilege and I was intentional about making it work for me in an environment where it matters. I might not agree with the rules of this game called life, but I'll have to play it with my best cards since I have no choice.
Although I believe that I was good enough but needed some extra coaching on my catwalk, I cannot ignore the possibility of having made it to the final session due to pretty privilege. It is what it is.
That, coupled with the hardships of being a woman in a patriarchal society, further hammered into me the fact that I might as well utilize pretty privilege to my advantage. Beauty is currency, after all.
4. Learn how to lose.
This was the toughest lesson I have ever learnt. You should have seen me on the morning of last Thursday. I can't recall the last time I cried that much. It wasn't a pretty scene😭.
I'm not used to losing. This is because I don't think I compete in anything. I can only relate to academic competition back in primary school whereby I was complacent with being in the top three. However, this has been the greatest lesson for me.
I allowed myself to cry and wallow in self-pity for a little while. After a few days, I could talk about my loss without tearing up and I managed to come up with a list of what I gained from that experience, which is what you are reading today.
I also reasoned that losing the chance to vie for Ms. (My university) didn't automatically make me ugly. I still left intact just the way I came. The last time I looked in the mirror, I didn't become an ugly old witch with a nasty mole and crooked nose.
I came to see the situation as a win-win for me.
5. Nobody cares as much as you do!
The loss was sort of humiliating because I was the last contestant to be eliminated. Mind you, this was right in front of the whole school on the Student Centre grounds! At least that was what I thought.
During my pose after the elimination, trying not to look hurt, I remember thinking to myself that I had the balls to even audition and that that was a flex compared to someone too afraid to try. I held back my tears and maintained a small smile.
Getting to school on my next school day was hard because I thought that my schoolmates would recognize me and remember that I didn't make it past auditions. It didn't help that I was the only contestant with locs, hence making me stand out of the line-up.
You know what? Nobody stared at me or said anything to me on that day. That is when I knew that nobody cared that much and that it was all forgotten. It was such a relief and it restored my confidence. At least I know that I'm a badass and no one can take that away from me.
Final thoughts...
Participating in a beauty pageant was something I never thought I would do, but here we are. I hope that this encourages you to try new things out since with challenge comes change and it's good to do those things that scare the heck out of you.
If you made it up to this point, I appreciate you. Feel free to drop me a DM on Instagram to share your view(s) and/or similar experiences on this blog post💕.
Yours truly,
The Self-Proclaimed Princess of Badassery😁.
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